OK, so could anyone else tell I was in quite the funk the other day??? Not that it isn't true, but dang!! Hello depression thy name is Sassy!! I thought today I'd try to cheer everyone (all one person that reads this) up.
I want to know: what is with the eighties coming back? Have you seen this? Leg-warmers, skinny jeans, Converse, tights, it's all back, baby!! And what's bad is, I see women my age wearing it!! I know, I know. You already had the clothes in the back of the closet so now you're super trendy and retro all at once. But seriously?? You should never, I mean NEVER, borrow clothes from your teenage daughter's closet unless it's just a black sweater. No one should ever see you from the back and think "wow, they must be sisters!" only to have you turn around and give them heartburn.
And the skinny jeans on guys?? AAAAHHHHhhhhh!! I guess I didn't notice in the 80's, but that is just ick! If I don't know your name, I don't want to know more intimate details about you. Like say for example, which way do you hang??? Gross!! And please, please, if you are a guy over 30 stop with the crazy, spiky hair with highlights. It is really just getting pathetic at that point.
Go to the mall, you'll see what I'm ranting about. Have you ever thought to yourself, "don't these poor people have mirrors at home?" Of course, all of this from someone who has more tshirts in my dresser than I do underwear. Go t-shirts!!
So go people watching and cheer yourself up. Remember: You never look as ridiculous as they do...Losers!!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Fear, Phobias, and Weenies
So, if you know me, you probably know that I'm the world's biggest coward. Sure I avoid the standard horror movies, dark places, and the evening news. (Have you seen it lately?? Move over Stephen King, here comes local news at 9!) But I still can't sleep without a nightlight. I refuse, absolutely refuse, to discuss anything remotely scary, distressing, or basically even real. I live in this fantastical, fake bubble where everything is happy and sunshine. Actually, I just realized that I've created a Disney movie for myself to live in. Where are the happy animals helping me clean my house??
Sorry, got sidetracked. When you strip away all my little fears of anything and everything, they all boil down to this one giant, inhuman, gripping, life-strangling fear: I fear the unknown. I want solid guarantees that my family will all be fine, no illness, nothing bad, no traumatic events. I fear the future like you wouldn't believe. I mean, I can leave my house. From the outside I probably seem somewhat normal. (If you knew me, you'd know why I can't claim total normality.) But it's definitely ruling my life. I score my whole routine based on avoiding any clouds that may try to infiltrate my bubble. I know that about myself, and I'm trying to overcome it. But here's the biggest thing, I don't want to pass this on to my kids. Now you see my dilemma.
I don't want them to be like me. I pray, every day, that they will not be like me. I know I have some good qualities, but all in all, I'm pretty messed up. I've just gotten really good at pretending. Really, really good. And mostly it's for my kids. I guess I've decided that if I can pretend to be normal that maybe that's what I'll pass on to them instead of the real, cowardly me. How twisted is that? But better fake me being passed on than the real me. I don't want them walking around in the middle of the night trying to calm themselves from an anxiety attack because they tried to plan for the future.
I hope I don't sound self-aggrandizing when I say that I think this is pretty amazing. I mean, if you understood how deep my fears ran you'd get what it's like when my son starts asking questions about heaven, dying, and other things that make my palms sweat and my heart race. It's not bragging. I'm not amazing, my kids are. They've made me strong enough to be who they need me to be despite my own debilitating fears. They are such incredible little monsters. The Bible tells us that God gives us what we need to overcome obstacles and live in His will. Maybe that's why he gave me my babies. Nothing else was motivation enough to get me out there, faking it til I made it.
So I guess I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there doing this to her kids. I'm hoping that somewhere else, some mother is pretending for her children in order to make their lives better, in the hope that she can stop the cycle. It doesn't have to be my ridiculous, crazy phobias. What about anger issues, regret? Anyone have something they know is bad, working everyday to pretend it's not there so their kids don't get it, too? Please don't let me add "only crazy person in the world" to my list of oh-so-enviable qualities.
Sorry, got sidetracked. When you strip away all my little fears of anything and everything, they all boil down to this one giant, inhuman, gripping, life-strangling fear: I fear the unknown. I want solid guarantees that my family will all be fine, no illness, nothing bad, no traumatic events. I fear the future like you wouldn't believe. I mean, I can leave my house. From the outside I probably seem somewhat normal. (If you knew me, you'd know why I can't claim total normality.) But it's definitely ruling my life. I score my whole routine based on avoiding any clouds that may try to infiltrate my bubble. I know that about myself, and I'm trying to overcome it. But here's the biggest thing, I don't want to pass this on to my kids. Now you see my dilemma.
I don't want them to be like me. I pray, every day, that they will not be like me. I know I have some good qualities, but all in all, I'm pretty messed up. I've just gotten really good at pretending. Really, really good. And mostly it's for my kids. I guess I've decided that if I can pretend to be normal that maybe that's what I'll pass on to them instead of the real, cowardly me. How twisted is that? But better fake me being passed on than the real me. I don't want them walking around in the middle of the night trying to calm themselves from an anxiety attack because they tried to plan for the future.
I hope I don't sound self-aggrandizing when I say that I think this is pretty amazing. I mean, if you understood how deep my fears ran you'd get what it's like when my son starts asking questions about heaven, dying, and other things that make my palms sweat and my heart race. It's not bragging. I'm not amazing, my kids are. They've made me strong enough to be who they need me to be despite my own debilitating fears. They are such incredible little monsters. The Bible tells us that God gives us what we need to overcome obstacles and live in His will. Maybe that's why he gave me my babies. Nothing else was motivation enough to get me out there, faking it til I made it.
So I guess I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there doing this to her kids. I'm hoping that somewhere else, some mother is pretending for her children in order to make their lives better, in the hope that she can stop the cycle. It doesn't have to be my ridiculous, crazy phobias. What about anger issues, regret? Anyone have something they know is bad, working everyday to pretend it's not there so their kids don't get it, too? Please don't let me add "only crazy person in the world" to my list of oh-so-enviable qualities.
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