Like all good Southern girls, I love my family. We are large, loud, and very close. But over the years, especially after having my own children, I wonder if we are too close. I mean, should we really be in everyone's business? Where are our boundaries? Why don't we have any? And how do you change that in a family that doesn't perceive its own dysfunction? Honestly? I don't know.
I truly love my family, and I want my children to be just as close to them as I am. But I'm tired of the gossiping, the backbiting, the ugliness. I definitely don't want my kids to be a part of that. I don't know if they were always this way or if I'm only noticing now that I'm older and more removed from them. Either way, I'm sick of it. When I visit I don't want to listen to who is the worst daughter, who is the worst parent, and what's wrong with my life. I just want to chat, to catch up. But it seems they don't know how to have a pleasant conversation anymore.
I loved growing up with a large family, and I wanted that for my own children. Sunday dinners at grandma's, lots of cousins running around to play with, and large holiday gatherings. Sadly, we live too far away now to have the first two, but the holidays could be really awesome with so many of us. Not anymore.
I have to admit, I find myself dreading the holidays because I know there will be ugliness. I'm saddened by the loss of the closeness we had in the past. I'm even more sad that my children will never know them as I knew them. But I've come to realize that I can't change them. I can't change them because they don't want to change. And I think that's the hardest part of all to accept.
So to anyone out there who has a large family, or just a small that's very close, listen up: set boundaries, give respect, and above all, do everything with love. Don't let pettiness ruin your familial bonds!
