Where has Hollywood Gone??

Okay, I'm a pretty easy movie critic. I can believe almost anything as long as it doesn't contradict any rules the writer has created. I liked Blades of Glory and Balls of Fury because I saw them as the intentionally stupid movies they were created to be. I also absolutely love Lord of the Rings Trilogy for its incredible attention to detail and storytelling. I'm very forgiving. I don't watch a movie thousands of times just to be able to tell the general public that in the shot of so-and-so kissing so-and-so, if you look closely you can see the reflection of the boom mic in her eyes...get a life!!!

All of this said, however, leads to me one conclusion: X-Men Wolverine Origins, or whatever the stupid name is, SUCKED!!

Not just a little suck, but major suck. As a wise man once said, "That sucked like fat kids and old people sucked!" (Thanks, Homer...Simpson)

I went opening weekend with my husband, and I was so excited I couldn't sit still in the seat. I wiggled, squirmed, and generally made a nuisance of myself to my fellow moviegoers (Apologies). The lights go down, the surround sound screen booms out, and I almost wet my pants in anticipation. I'm so into the opening scene of them as children, I literally find myself leaning forward as if to crawl inside the screen and touch them.

Fast forward thirty minutes and you'll find me still in my seat, still leaning forward, only now its to see if anyone else is as outraged as I am. I cannot believe the crap they pulled in that movie. Major plot holes aside, and that's a lot of major plot holes, the action scenes were ridiculous, the characters were given powers they've never had before, and the ending was as bad as it gets in action movies.

I will spare you details, but let me just get this one off of my chest: Gambit is not Spiderman, he does not climb walls.

Without turning this into a twenty page rant on the ridiculousness of Hollywood directors and writers, let me just point out one tiny difference with this movie. No one thought up the idea for this movie, no one struggled with a script or storyline, no one had to write for years to come up with this screenplay. It was already done!!! Marvel had this storyline written decades ago so how the X$%^#& did they take Stan Lee's wonderful comic book character, combine him with the oh-so-talented Hugh Jackman, and pull this out of the cooking pot??!??

I was so upset by the raping of the true story of Wolverine that I actually wanted my money back at the end. Why not just leave the theater and not finish the movie, you may ask. I'll tell you why: because there was a tiny, minute kernel of hope in my still naive heart that maybe they could pull it out in the end, and leave me happy.

I am no longer so naive.

So I say to you, Mr. Hollywood director/screenwriter guy, I want my money back!! In this economy, us hard working, middle-class citizens cannot afford to waste $30 on a movie for it to suck that badly. That money could have been put to better use. Such as kindling in my fireplace, decorations for my rear view mirror, or even colorful toilet paper for my daughter. I supported you, hoping to do my part in reviving the American economy by spending money and supporting the arts, and this....this drivel is what you've given me as a reward??? Well, you can keep your ridiculous "the original is never good enough until we add some excessive explosions, new characters, and gaping plot holes" movie. I will no longer support you and your Starbucks habit. I have devised a better way to do my patriotic duty and support the American economy.

I am buying the comic book!