Why I Don't Care How My Kids Feel...Mostly

Sounds horrible, doesn't it?  Especially to a couple that doesn't have children or maybe only has the one that they adore.  But let me explain, and you'll realize that you shouldn't care either.

I love my children.  Like, crazy, seriously, maybe too much sometimes, love my children.  They are my whole life.  I plan my days around them, making sure to take them to as many places for fun as they can stand, cooking what they like, watching only their shows when they are awake...I really love them.  But as my oldest reaches those dreaded teen age years, I've come to realize I should have not cared as much about all of their feelings when they were younger.

Why?  Well, I'm so glad I asked.  I'll tell you why.

Now they feel it is their right to come to me constantly with how bored they are with the expectation that I will entertain them.  Or every two minutes after bed time to tell me they aren't asleep yet.  Or they tell me all of their tiniest problems with each other or their friends hoping I'll jump in and fix everything for them.  None of this sounds too bad, but it has shown me that I've done them a disservice by setting up this precedent when they were younger.

Bored?  So what!  Go find something to do.  When I was little, I learned not to tell my parents I was bored because their solution was usually a chore.  I learned very quickly how to entertain myself, without electronics.  I would even just sit outside in a tree for hours in order to avoid doing extra chores.  My oldest two have no idea how to pretend or imagine.  Every time they were bored I either entertained them or we watched movies together because I wanted to enjoy their childhood with them so much.  Again, not a terrible thing, but somewhat short-sighted.

Can't sleep within five minutes of laying down?  I don't care.  I can't sleep now either because you keep coming downstairs to tell me you can't sleep.  Now both of us are going to be cranky tomorrow.  Go back upstairs, lie down, be still and quiet, and stare at your ceiling for the rest of the night.  I use to cuddle them, love on them, tell them stories, discuss life's problems in order to make them feel better.  The problem?  Now it's just a tactic they use to stay awake past bedtime.

I've realized that in trying to spend every minute with them when they were younger, I've limited their growth in some areas. I wasn't doing anything wrong.  But now that they are supposed to be growing into young adults, I'm trying to undo a lot of things I've done.  That's very difficult.

With my youngest, I'm doing most things differently.  And I'm already seeing a difference even though he is only 3.  He has a fantastic imagination.  The other day, for example, we were playing inside a tube at a play center for over an hour pretending it was a spaceship, a submarine,  and an airplane in the mountains.  At the pool last week, he put on my sunglasses and told me he was the mom and I was the baby.  He then "fed" me lunch and took me to different stores.  I never suggested those situations.  He initiated the play, and I just went along.

He is also capable of playing alone.  He builds with blocks, he does puzzles, or sometimes he just sits next to me while we both read books.

He is already a problem solver.  He loves to observe then solve problems that arise.  Missing puzzle piece?  No big deal, he just finds a different piece that is similar and turns a Jake puzzle into a Jake and Sophia puzzle.  Big sister and brother are fighting?  Upsetting but not life ending.  He comforts big sister then tells big brother to not yell and use his words instead.  He doesn't run to me with every detail.

I was so excited to have children that I forgot the most important rule: I am their PARENT, not their FRIEND.

I disciplined.  There were groundings, time outs, the works.  But I was their friend first then when they crossed the line, I became the parent.  I had it backwards.  I should have been their parent who enjoys playing with them instead.

Why is this such a big deal beyond my daily frustrations?  Because life doesn't care how they feel either.  We like to pretend it does, but that's not true.  When was the last time your boss asked you how you felt about your co-workers then really listened and tried to help with your issues?  How about the cashier who is going slower than an iceberg while your toddler is screaming in  your arms and the only items you are buying suggest the baby is sick?  Does she ask if you are okay then try to help you if you're not?  Nope.  Nobody cares how you feel.

Your boss wants you to do your job without too much issue.  Do they care how you feel?  Maybe on a personal level, but professionally they just want you to be a good employee.  Will your kids care how you feel?  Maybe if it doesn't upset their world, but let your feelings get in the way of their friends, electronics, or food and see what happens.

This is what we are trying to impart to my teen-ager.  Is this fair?  Is this right?  Nope, but it doesn't change anything.  Really the only people who actually care about how you feel are normally people that don't have any control over what happens in your life.  Your spouse, your parents, and your close friends.  Which is great, but they can't help your career, raise your kids, or pay your bills...unless you take advantage, which you shouldn't.

So, you see?  It's not that I don't care about my  kids or their feelings, but I feel like in caring too much, and putting too much emphasis on how they are feeling, I have forgotten to teach them that life is not about how you feel.

I never feel like doing laundry, waking up super early to deal with whiny school kids, or cleaning unidentifiable stains off of my new furniture.  But it is stuff I have to do because I'm a mom.  They never feel like doing homework when it's nice outside, cleaning their room, or being nice to each other, but those are their responsibilities as members of this family.  And I know my husband never feels like getting on a crowded plane every week at 7am only to be delayed, surrounded by smells that aren't even human, and touched inappropriately by strangers due to lack of personal space.  But he does it.  Every week without complaint because it is his responsibility as an adult man with a family to support.

Something important I have taught my children about feelings, though, is that in doing things that you don't want to do for people, it will help them to feel good which will help you to feel good even if you still don't like doing it.

They still don't clean their rooms, though!

Losing the Battle vs. Winning the War

So today, while sweating profusely in my garage, I was listening to some music, and the song that inspired this blog post came on.  It was "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave.  I love that song, and today I guess I needed to hear it.  I've posted some of the lyrics below, but all credit and rights go to Big Daddy Weave.

Seems like all I could see was the struggle

Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past

Bound up in shackles of all my failures

Wondering how long is this gonna last

Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son

Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off these heavy chains

Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me

'Cause his day is long dead and gone

Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same

And a hope that will carry me home

Did you see it?  The lines in bold?  That was the inspiration.  So here is the result - 

Why do we, as Christians, live a life of defeat every time we hit a bump if we, of all people, know the end of the story?  Lose your job?  Illness?  Tragedy?  Not the end!!  

I'm not minimizing the pain of those things, but just trying to put them into perspective.  Those are only battles, but the war is guaranteed a victory for our side!  Imagine that!?!  How would the Allied soldiers' attitudes have changed if we could have proven their victory in the middle of those miserable, dark, and lonely winters?  

Remember that there are only two teams on this battlefield - God and Satan.  The world likes to put other names out there, Buddha, yoga, agnostics, but there are truly only two teams.  And ours is the victor!  

When you do lose a battle, don't let it put you off the field.  Satan isn't trying to win actual Satan worshipers - he's just trying to get Christians off the field and onto the bench!  Don't let him win you!

Stand up in the middle of that tragedy and scream: I AM REDEEMED!!  I'VE BEEN SET FREE!  

Quote Job who lost more and gained more than any Christian I've ever heard of when he says, "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him" Job 13:15 (NIV)

Tell the world it has not crushed another believer; it has not stolen another's hope.  Grab your broken helmet, bandage that wound, grab your sword, and get back out there!  There is nothing so inspiring as seeing the broken and wounded walk in victory while still bleeding.

We Christians should stop focusing on losing the battle, and instead focus on winning the soldiers hearts!

OK, I"m off my soapbox - someone else can have it now!

The Parable of the 5 Talents

I know.  Two posts in two days.  Almost a miracle in itself, right?  I'm actually feeling really touched by God's spirit lately during my quiet time.  This one grabbed me yesterday and wouldn't let go so I decided to get it out while it was fresh.

This parable isn't studied as often as some of the others Jesus taught in the New Testament.  The mustard seed, the sower - these are usually more popular parables.  But I like the one about the talents because I think it speaks about so many different things.  I guess they all do so maybe I just like this one best.  Either way, let me paraphrase the parable Jesus teaches in Matthew 25.

There was a master who went on a journey, but before he left, he called three of his servants to him.  The Bible tells us that he gave them each some talents according to their ability.  To one he gave 5 talents, one 2 talents, and the last servant received only one talent.  Now keep in mind that a talent was worth more than a thousand dollars so this is a pretty big deal for these servants.  The master leaves, comes back, and calls his servants to him so they can account for the money he entrusted them with (read: spiritual gifts).  The servant with 5 talents worked to turn it into 5 more.  In fact, the Bible tells us he went immediately after the master left to invest the money.  The second servant turned his 2 into 2 more, again doubling his master's investment.  The final servant gives an answer that we in today's society can actually empathize with and sometimes have difficulty understanding where the servant goes wrong.  For each of the first two servants, the master begins his praise with a simple, yet wonderful sentence: "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

How wonderful would it be to hear our Master greet us in such a way when he calls each of us for our accounting of the "talents" (notice anything?) He has given us.

The last servant tells his master that, knowing the master is a harsh and dishonest man, he was scared to lose the money so to be safe he hid it in the ground.  He gives the talent back to the master, and we see a very different reaction to this servant.  The master gets angry, calls him lazy, and gives his one talent to the servant who earned 10 talents.

Now, the "moral" of the story, the usual focus for most pastors, is when Jesus finishes by telling his disciples that "he who has will be given more in abundance, and to him who doesn't have, what he does have will be taken away." (NKJV)

In other words, those people who use the talents God gave them well, He will provide more in abundance.   To those who waste the talents they were given, they will not only not gain but will lose what He has given them.  I like the superhero mantra: "With great power comes great responsibility".

I could go into that, but if you search for any sermon on this parable, you'll get all you need to know about this principle.  It is really well covered.

What I want to focus on is something that I've never actually heard anyone speak about.  Before I do, though, I will throw out a caution.  I haven't actually researched my opinion of this particular passage.  The part above is pretty clear.  I've read and heard dozens of interpretations, and I feel pretty comfortable of my reading of that part.  But this next part, my particular focus, I haven't researched yet.  I feel like I was led to notice this part, but I can't say I've read about it yet.  So take this with a grain of salt, as they say.

Here's what I noticed yesterday reading this parable: 24 "Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.' 26 "His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest."

Did you see it?  I'll point it out just in case.  See, the servant says that he knows the master to be a harsh, deceitful man then the master admits to being such a man.  However, he still punishes the last servant by sending him out into the darkness where there will be "wailing and gnashing of teeth".  Do you get it now?  

Jesus is teaching his disciples about obedience.  And the key is, not just obedience to a master who deserves to be obeyed.  In this parable, you would think that Jesus, who preaches against evil until his last day on Earth, would have condemned the master for admitting to being such a wicked man.  But it is the disobedient servant who is punished!

What this tells me is that God expects us not only to obey Him as a holy, perfect, loving God, but also to obey our human masters who may not deserve such respect and service.  Why?  Why would he tell us to obey our boss at work who is mean, spiteful, and a professed atheist who punishes you for trying to hang a Bible verse in your office?  Because it is not the master we are actually working for; it is not talents that he has given us that we are using.  If we are using talents given by God then that makes Him the master we are working for no matter what.

If God has blessed me with a job then no matter how my Earthly master acts, I am actually working in a blessing from God so I need to answer to God.  It didn't matter that the master in the parable wasn't worthy of loyal obedience, it was expected nonetheless.  And for the servants who gave it, they were rewarded by being praised and invited to join in their master's good fortune.  The fearful servant, while he didn't actually commit any crime, also didn't actively obey either, and was sent out into the darkness alone.

I don't know about you, but I am praying that I end up sharing in my Heavenly Master's good fortune not alone in the darkness forever.  I can't claim to be a "5 talent" servant.  At least not yet.  But I'm hoping that I'm using my one talent well, and with faith and maturity, I'll earn more talents to be used for His glory.

One last little tidbit I'd like to point out before I go.  Even though the last servant was punished, he wasn't killed or sold to another master.  Although his punishment is still very severe and very permanent, it didn't remove him from his master's service.  What does this mean?  Well, again I'm just expressing my interpretation, but I believe this points to believers and unbelievers alike in the Kingdom of God.  

For believers, I think this proves that, although we may not share in God's riches, we are always His servants even when being punished for our sins.  He isn't casting us off to another master.  He is just letting us suffer the consequences of our own wrongdoings.  Remind you of another parable?  That which a man reaps, he will sow.  Sound familiar?

For unbelievers, I think the focus is on the permanent part of the punishment.  The master didn't give any conditions, limitations, or loopholes for the punishment.  The servant was forever in the darkness alone.  He couldn't earn his way back into the fold.  The master didn't give him points for good behavior, or shorten his punishment for good works.  He had his mission, he failed, he was punished.  No returns, no exchanges, no refunds.

I'm not a fan of the punishment of the servant.  I have to admit that I actually agree with him.  I would be terrified of the master's reaction if I had made a bad investment and lost everything.  But Jesus wanted the disciples to know that God expects instant obedience.  He's given us talent and a mission, to glorify His kingdom, and He expects us to obey.  No questions.  If we believe then we obey.  Simple.  Okay, not simple but still doable.

I can't say that I like what this parable teaches about obedience.  I want to treat someone how they are not how God sees them.  If you are an ugly person on the inside, I don't want to give you my loyalty and respect.  But now that God has shown me this part of the parable, I may not like it, but I can no longer claim ignorance.  

And now, hopefully God has shown you as well.  We'll all be reluctantly obedient together.  

The Greatest Word in the English Language

Seeing the title I'm sure you're thinking of something along the lines of "love" or "hate" or even "fear" or "evil".  But in my recent studies of the Bible for my kindergarten class in AWANA, I've noticed a pattern.  It's actually been there the whole time, but I should say that God recently opened my eyes to it.  I shouldn't be surprised.  It's what He does after all; open our eyes to a new lesson inside of a passage we may have read a hundred times.  That's why we say that the Bible is the "living" word of God.  Because it is ever changing and never changing at the same time.  Enough background, drum roll please.  The greatest word in the English language (and probably every other language, as well) is......BUT.

Disappointed?  Let down?  Or did you guess it?  Don't feel bad.  It is a very small word.  Technically, just a conjunction used to connect bigger, more complicated words together to form a longer sentence.  It's not even the only conjunction out there.  But (see?) it is that precise function that makes it so powerful.  I'll put down a few of the verses I was studying when it hit me.  See if you can find the pattern, too.

Genesis 2:20 - BUT for Adam, no suitable helper was found. (NIV)
Genesis 6:8 - BUT Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord. (NIV)
Genesis 50:20 - As for you, you meant evil against me, BUT God meant it for good... (NIV)
Psalm 73:26 - My flesh and my heart may fail, BUT God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

And in my opinion the greatest "but" of them all:

John 3:16-17 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish BUT have everlasting life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world BUT that the world through Him might be saved.

See the pattern?  The word "but" is so important that it occurs over 1000 times in the Old Testament alone!  Have you figured out why it is so important yet?  It's right there in the pattern.

The word "but" is a conjunction used to connect two smaller ideas together.  In the Bible, it is usually used in the following way:
You have fallen short of the glory of God, BUT He is merciful and faithful to save you from yourself.

Pretty amazing right?  Such a small word for such a big promise.  The Bible is very clear in that every human, including Paul, Moses, and even Abraham, will fall short of God's glory and standards.  If you don't believe that, just look around you.  The evidence of man's fallibility is everywhere in our culture; a culture of excess, greed, and selfishness.

BUT, (see my pattern now) God knows this, knew this when he created Adam and Eve.  He never, never planned on letting us go it alone.  He knew we would fall, knew we would need help getting back up, and knew we wouldn't deserve the help.  So in the Old Testament He sent judges, spiritual leaders such as Saul, David, and Solomon, and prophets to help lead Israel out of their sin.  When that didn't work, He chose to send the ultimate Help, Jesus Christ.  Of course, this leads into the whole free will vs. predestination (or fate) debate.  I'm no theologian, but this is how my tiny brain makes sense of a very difficult idea.

If God is our Heavenly Father, then the closest picture we have of this on Earth is our human fathers.  Hopefully, you have a good one either by blood or choice so you can understand what I'm referring to next.  Just like a good, dedicated, loving human father knows his children, to the point of knowing what choice they will make in certain matters, he also hopes they will surprise him and make the better choice.  Let me clarify with an example:  my husband knows how much my oldest loves sugar.  We all know.  If we were to leave him at home for the day with instructions to eat only protein and vegetables, but we did not remove the oreos from the pantry, we know that some will be missing when we get home later.  We know my son will choose the oreos even though he knows they are bad for him.  But, we hope that he will eventually mature and learn from his previous consequences, and choose to bypass that temptation.

In the same way, on a much higher scale, God looks at us.  Although He knows what we will choose because of His omniscience, He continues to hope that we will eventually turn from our temptations and choose Him instead.

Moving on from that sensitive subject.

The word "but" is very powerful.  I hope you start to notice it now when you study your Bible.  Notice that it usually follows a condemnation from God then precedes a glorious promise from God.  Notice that we never deserve the promise.  Notice that we don't seem to learn from our behavior.  And notice how that doesn't change God's steadfastness.  He continues to help the people in the Bible just as He continues to help us today.

And I will leave you with one final verse that I feel sums it up for me, and pray that God will use this revelation in your life as He has in mine.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Submissive Wives....ooohh, dirty words!

OK, so talking about being a submissive wife is a major no-no these days.  I get why.  For so long, men used that as a club to beat their wives down...literally.  But in its original meaning, it isn't supposed to be a weapon.  It is supposed to be a ranking order.  That's it.  Sort of military style.  You know, general, corporal, commander, etc.  So I thought about how to explain this to my daughter as she grows up, and this is what i came up with so bear with me.

Imagine you and your spouse were pirates.  Everyone on the pirate ship knows how to sail the boat.  You all  know how to take over other ships for booty (ha, ha).  But someone has to be the final say so on the where and when or the ship would literally stall out in the ocean so you all elect someone to be captain.  He is in charge of where you go, but he's also the one responsible if you don't find the treasure.  If he's a total dictator?  You get together and mutiny then lop off his bloody.....ok.  Forget the pirate thing.  Please don't lop off his anything.

Try this one:

You are both pilots of commercial airplanes.  You both went to flight school, graduated, got the license and the little wings on your suit jacket.  You both sit in the cockpit every flight.  However, you would never get off the ground if you both spent your time arguing over who was going to do the actual flying and where you were going to land.  Think about it.  "I'm a woman who is under no man so I'm going to demand my equality by arguing with you about every decision you try to make so that we end up going nowhere then I'm going to blame you for not getting us anywhere."  "Well, I'm a man and you'll do what I say because I said it because I can't actually explain to you that I'm not trying to be chauvinistic, I just need your trust to feel like a whole man like you need romance to feel like a loved woman so we'll still get nowhere and now we are both miserable."

Who does that?  Why not try something else?  A real man, a truly strong man, will say: "We are a team.  I want us to be together on every decision so here's the flight map.  I'm thinking we go here and here.  What do you think?"  A woman should respond with: "We are a team.  I'm just as capable a pilot as you so here is my opinion."  Man: "OK, but I think it might be a better trip if we go this route."  Woman: "OK, I don't agree with that, but I'll be here as your backup."

Someone has to be in charge.  In every other relationship in life whether it be military, corporations, schools, fast food restaurants, heck even charities have hierarchies.  Why, all of the sudden, are we so opposed to a hierarchy at home?

I think we lose sight of the consequences and responsibilities of each role.  Husbands are supposed to "in charge" so to speak.  This doesn't mean they are the bullies of the home.  A true man will see this role as the privilege it is, and treat his wife accordingly.  The President is in charge, but the first thing he does is surround himself with his top advisors.  Then he consults them on every decision he faces because he knows that he can't know it all, and a wise man will seek the counsel of his closest allies before making a decision.  So the husband should seek the wise counsel of his closest ally, his wife, before making a decision.  A real man will realize that the true power lies in the wife's position.  Honestly.  A wife chooses whether or not to submit to her husband.  If she chooses not to then her household, her marriage, will suffer and both partners will have no peace.  If she chooses to place her trust and faith in a man she has proclaimed to love above all others, then her household will be full of joy and peace.  The power to bring joy to her life lay in her hands.  This does mean that a woman needs to choose a man who is worthy of the honor of being called her husband.

On the other hand, a man is also left holding the bag when things go wrong.  This doesn't just mean he chose the wrong repairman when the a/c broke.  This means he is ultimately the one responsible for providing and protecting his family.  Not in reality.  He's not the only one paying bills maybe, or raising the kids.  What it means is, in a household where the wife submits and shows her husband that trust, the children will see that.  He will feel like everyone is looking to him for the answers.  He will know that the final choice lay with him, and if the decision ends badly, he will feel like the blame is all his.  That is a lot of pressure for someone to live with on a daily basis.  It isn't all ruling the kingdom from the throne, and watching your lackeys dance for you.  It can be very stressful for a man.  Add to that stress the feeling of knowing your wife doesn't trust you to make the decisions for the family, and you have a man that isn't going to be happy.  He's going to pull away, and now the wife isn't happy because he isn't involved.

Now the wife:  A woman who is comfortable in her role as the submissive woman will realize that she is the true power in her home, and will use it wisely.  She will see that submitting to her husband, proving that she truly trusts him to do what is best for their family, will make him feel better than a thousand romantic notes in his lunch or sexy nighties in your drawer.  It puts into actions the words you spoke when you got married : I love you.  A woman won't push so hard to assert her power that she knocks down her husband in the process.  A woman who is truly strong, who truly knows the power of being a woman, will realize that supporting her husband will help him to seek her wisdom more and more often.  She will find that her husband, if she has chosen a good man in the first place, will tend to follow her advice more often when she is submissive than not.

Go back to the pilot thing.  Being the pilot who is in command in the cockpit is a privilege that all pilots seek. It is an honor.  It speaks of the company's trust in your ability.  However, you know that if the plane crashes, and you survive, you are going to be held responsible for every life on that plane.  Not your co-pilot.  Think about it.  When that plane landed in the Hudson, how much press coverage did the co-pilot get?  Exactly.

As the co-pilot, you aren't less important.  In fact, if the pilot goes down for some reason, guess who is the most important person on the planet to those passengers?  The pilot is relying on you, only you to be there here for him.  Not the passengers.  Not the flight attendants.  In other words, he trusts only you to be there for him.  And as you fly together more and more, he sees your trust in him more and more, the relationship between the two of you growing more and more, guess who he is going to start flying with more confidently every time?  You will build a bond that is stronger than any other in that company.  He will place you above all others.  And you him.

Doesn't that sound like what we all want in our marriages?  I don't think anyone gets married thinking "I can't wait to start fighting and mistrusting him.  Treating him like he's too stupid to be in charge, and he makes me feel crazy and emotional and unwanted.  Woo hoo!"

I'm not trying to preach here.  I'm just trying to say that I'm going to hope my daughter doesn't grow up seeing me submit to my husband, and take that to mean that I'm not an equal in my relationship.  I hope she sees that my husband takes my submission as the gift that it is and treasures it appropriately.  I hope my sons see the way my husband takes his leadership role as seriously as any general commanding troops in the field whose lives are held in his hands.  I hope they treasure their wives accordingly.  It's obvious something isn't working right in the home today.  Why not try this out?  If you are already miserable together then what can this hurt?  You thought about counseling and other things, why not this?  If it doesn't work, then so what you're still miserable only now you get to say "I told you so".

And, P.S., I am in no way advocating abuse in any way.  A man that uses his role as leader to abuse his family in any form is not a man.  He is no better than the evil, small little dictators that had to rule their countries with iron fists because they could not inspire enough respect to rule with devotion.  If you love your husband and trust him enough to marry him, try trusting him enough to take care of you, too.  If you love your husband, and married him hoping to change his abusive ways?  Get out.  Get help.

Alright, I'm off the soap box.  Someone else can use it now.

Count Your Blessings

So, today was one of those days that make you want to cry in your car in the McDonald's parking lot.  And it is the second one in a row I've had.  And, yesterday was my birthday.  Yep, I'm losing it.  But I can't lose it, right?  Because my kids are in the car with me, and I'm MOM.  I never lose it.  Yeah, right.  If only they knew.

Why?  Because yesterday, (on my birthday remember?), I got up early to take the youngest for his shots.  Then we have to run to get Girly Girl's school supplies, and after three stores I still don't have them all.  Then home to cook dinner which I ruined so we had cereal instead.  Did I mention youngest is teething and coming off the bottle at night so I only sleep about two hours at a time?  Yep.  Woo hoo!

My perfect husband got home from Boston last night with a huge bunch of beautiful flowers just so I would have something new on my birthday then he rubbed my sore back for me.  Lucky me.

Skip to this morning when I get up not so early, 8am yay!, to make breakfast only to realize youngest is out of formula.  Now it is rush around get ready time so we can run to the store for his formula.  The school supply store is on the way so kill two birds with one stone, and be back within the hour to go through kids' dressers before the big garage sale.

Fast foward again to me driving to the first school store to find it empty...as in moved out a year ago empty.  OK.  Fine.  A quick trip to Toys'r'us with my gift cards for cheap diapers and formula.  Not a big deal.  An hour later at Toys r us, and I realize as I'm leaving $250 lighter that I forgot to use the gift cards and that is why it was so much more than I thought in my head.  Now it's two hours later, roughly 1pm, and I have a headache because I skipped breakfast.

Loading up the truck and we're off to the other school supply store.  Pull in, aaannnnddd.....it too has closed.  Windows are black.

I'm trying to save my family money because I gave up a good paycheck, and I've done nothing but suck us dry since.  I'm trying to have some fun before my kids start school, but I end up spending hours stuck shopping because of poor planning.  I am trying to get my house organized so we don't have so much stuff sitting around, and I've barely gotten it clean let alone organized.  And to top it off, some little girl in an Acura is terrified to pull out into traffic so I sit behind her for literally 12 minutes waiting to go.  12 MINUTES!!

Cue the hysteria.  I close my eyes.  I breathe deeply so my three kids don't see me rip apart a teenage girl for being too cautious.  Now I'm going to be sick for not eating all day, and being too stressed.  Breathe again because I feel the tears coming up anyway.  Then, out of nowhere...

"Mom, let's just get home so you can rest.  You shouldn't have to deal with this mess.  We'll take care of you mom like you take care of us."  And a hand rubs my shoulder to add to the comforting words.

I look over at my 12 year old who is usually the instigator of all the fighting and trouble.  He sees my stress.  And he's concerned.  He sincerely wants to help me.  Now cue the happy tears.

So instead of losing it over everything that's happened to me, I remember that Job was thankful even at his worst.  I start counting my blessings.

I have three happy, healthy kids who also happen to be beautiful.
I have a husband who stops at the store for flowers at 10pm after being on delayed flights all day just to make my day better.
I have a family, a large family, that fights over my time when I go visit because they all want to see me.
I have a great house, plenty of food, and good things for my children.
I am healthy enough to enjoy my blessings.
I have two (secretly three, hi KK) nieces that I adore.
I have ....

Get the picture?  I couldn't concentrate on the negative when I started counting my blessings.  And I have a lot of blessings.  More than I could actually count.  But by trying, my focus shifted, my spirit lifted, and I ended up having a decent day with my fantastic kids.

Everyone has those days when you feel close to either committing murder or crying hysterically for hours.  It's normal.  But when you do feel that way, stop, but not to smell the roses.  Count your blessings instead.  I think you'll find, like I did, that you have more to be thankful for than reasons to complain.  (Although I hope next year's birthday is better than this one.  I'm not that saintly!)

Welcome Back to the World

So, I stopped writing there for awhile because I worried that I was getting too preachy.  Yeah, I know, right?  ME?  Then I went through all of this last year realizing that the world really does need some serious preaching so I'm back, baby!!

Recently, I left a job I loved that paid really well to stay at home full time with my kiddos.  I've been home now for two months, and I love it!  My kids fight all day long, I do at least five loads of laundry every day, I sometimes feel like one more chicken dinner at night and I'll beat myself to death with the wing, and I freaking LOVE IT!  It's the best decision I've ever made.  Including the decision to start watching that cartoon everyone was talking about, Spongebob.

But I have to admit that I was surprised, and somewhat saddened, at the shock and almost admonition I got from other women, mothers mind you, when I told them my decision.  About staying home, I mean, not the Spongebob thing.  I expected men to be shocked that I was willing to give up a pretty good paycheck to be "just a mom".  But I honestly expected most of the women to be a little envious that they weren't home with their kids, too even if they love working outside the home.  I mean, if you have children, isn't that supposed to be your priority?

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not knocking women who work whether because they have to or just for fun.  I have known some women who are fully capable of being successful in the business world and as a mom and wife.  They grab life by the horns, and tell it whose boss, and life listens.  I used to work for one of them.  A mom, a high level executive who was fantastic at her job, breathtaking home in historic neighborhood, healthy meals for the family, vacations, and she was superb at handling all of that.  I cheer those women on.  Hoorah!  But I'm not one of them.  I admit it.  I can do one thing really well or a thousands things that end up looking like a blind monkey came at them with a gun.  So I chose my home life.  Not a decision for everyone, but a perfect one for me.

So why the sadness?  Well, it's because the women I spoke to about my decision to stay home had one thing to say: maybe you can find some business to do from home so you can still make a contribution to your family.  WHAT???  As if, without a paycheck I become a burden on my family?  Maybe because I'm not making any money my efforts at managing expenses, keeping house, not paying for daycare, running the errands, and being involved in my children's lives is worthless?  What happened to us women?

Look, I'm very proud of the feminist movement of the last hundred years or so barring the 80s when we went too far.  I think it's only right that we be treated equal to men.  I love that women are now in some of the highest positions in the world of business and politics.  But, when did achieving all of that mean that being a homemaker, investing in the next generation of women to be their best, taking care of our loved ones become a bad thing?  Or something less?  Someone to look upon as if to say:  Oh, that's Suzy.  She's just a mom, poor thing.

I am pretty sure this isn't what Susan B. Anthony was pushing for back in the day.  As proud as we are of our accomplishments outside the home, we should be equally proud of those whose accomplishments are only inside the home.

So the next time you are talking to "just a mom", say something encouraging to her.  Give her a verbal pat on the back or an actual buddy hug.  You  have no idea how much she might need it.

GO MOMS!!  ALL MOMS!!

Ramblings

I normally have some issue that I get on my soapbox to rant about, but this week, nothing.  My mind is a total blank.  Probably because I'm trying not to let the little things in life get me down so I'm preoccupied.  So I'm just going to ramble and take you on a journey all over the map.

Media - Stop obsessing over Sarah Palin.  I'm not even going to argue for one side or the other.  I'm just stating that I think it's ridiculous for one person to have so much attention time in the political field for things that aren't political.  I mean, we get reports on where she went for breakfast or what tv shows she watches.  Whether you're praising her or dissing her, why can't we stay focused on her political stage and stop shoving her into all areas of entertainment?  If you're ridiculing her, you are only adding to the frenzy even if you are being negative.  If you're praising her, wouldn't you want to push her solemnity, dignity, and intelligence as a political figure?  I'm so sick of hearing about her constantly, and I'm not a political person.

TV - What happened to cartoons?  I used to love watching them with my kids because they were funny, entertaining, and they either taught a moral or didn't but they certainly didn't teach bad things!  There were no brainers like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends where the enjoyment came simply from watching a funny show.  Others taught a moral either subtly or blatantly.  But now, I've got my son spouting out sarcasm every minute of the day because that is what shows now are portraying as funny.  And don't get me started on the lying and sneaking around as funny because, ha ha, the parents are inept and uncool.  I'm not preaching to take them off the air.  I don't like them so we don't watch them in our house.  But I do miss being able to flip it on to Cartoon Network without having to worry about what was on before 9pm. 

Clothes - I'm all for trends.  Some of them are very cute, and every once in a while I end up being in fashion.  But seriously?  Leggings have an age limit, and over 40 is it!  I don't care how in shape you are, it just isn't right.  Skinny jeans are for females only!  I'm not sexist, but I can't take you seriously as a grown man if I can tell you about birthmarks in your "unicorn land" as my son would say.  Just saying.

Finally - what is with the total lack of manners?  Every where I go, I see people just pushing past without saying excuse me, walking through held doors without a thank you, and walking past a thank you without a you're welcome.  Manners!  Don't have some?  Get some!

A License to Parent

I want to know why we need a license to fish, hunt, drive, sell houses or a host of other things yet just anyone can have a kid.  Do you know how difficult it is to be a parent?  The first test you should have to go through is a mental stress test.  You know, like the astronauts do to see if they can handle the stress of space?  If space madness is real, kid madness is realer (see, I have it now, too.  I'm making up words!)

I'm not saying we should go China or anything, writing laws and punishing people for having kids, but jeez!!  I'm not even going to touch on child abuse of both the mental and physical kind (stop feeding your 100lb. toddler, that's abuse).  I'm talking just Regular Joe raising a few kids nowadays.  I think another test people should have before they have kids is a stupid test.  Not an intelligence test, but a stupid test.  For example: a woman in my city got in a car accident (ran off the road) and the cops arrived on the scene to investigate.  Her reason, that she voluntarily gave, for running off the road was that her sixth month old was crying because she was hungry so the woman just slipped her from the car seat and was nursing (NURSING!) at the wheel.  Now, if she was on a long road trip her stupidity may be understandable.  Crying baby, unfamiliar city, a danger to pulling off the road to nurse.  Was she on a long road trip?  Nope.  She had run to the grocery store and was on her way back home.  See what I mean?  Stupidity test.

I think another test people should have is a kindness test.  I hate it when that kid who bullied me in high school has kids because then those kids just bully my kids and it becomes an endless cycle of generations of bullies.  I don't think mean people should have kids.  Sorry.  I know that's being mean but they started it!!

I think another important test is responsibility test.  Are you a career obsessed, jet setting, shallow person?  Don't have kids.  They aren't an accessory to your Prada purse and Armani shoes.  They are real people who need most of your time.  If you have kids, and you have time for manicures, pedicures, "just mom vacations", girls night out, and spa time all in one month - you are neglecting your kids.  Another area of responsibility is fiscal responsibility.  Kids are expensive.  If you have 8 kids and you are on government assistance, you are fiscally irresponsible.  Close your legs!!  I know, crude.  But true.  I have nothing against government assistance for those in need.  My mom was a single mom, and I have no idea how she would have done it if my dad had been a deadbeat.  Thank God he wasn't!!  Kids are not a way to get a government check.  Stop it!!

I think probably the final test to have kids would be a marriage test.  I'm not saying only married couples should have kids.  I'm saying if you are married, don't have kids to save a bad one.  There are lots of people out there single or otherwise who would make great parents.  But there are lots more who have kids hoping that it will bring the spark back.  Are you kidding?  (see the paragraph about the stupidity test!)  If anything is going to kill the spark it is kids.  Get a puppy instead.  Besides, you can't put that kind of pressure on a baby.  It's bad parenting.

I'm venting because I'm pretty sure I am not doing such a great job at this thing, and I'm trying my hardest.  I'm offended by those who are parents and aren't trying as hard.  I'm a stressed, guilt-laden, exhausted, messy, busy, crazy lady with stains on her clothes, laundry on her couch, and you can probably hear my shrill voice screaming if you come by around homework time.  It's only fair that others should suffer the same.

God, I love my kids!!

And the two shall become one...

In the Bible, when it says that the husband shall leave his  father and mother and cleave to his wife then the two shall become one, I think that needs to be explained.  I know there have been countless sermons on this line, but I don't think the pastors ever have time to really delve into this passage too deeply.  Not that I am an expert, but in my own life and marriage I've learned how to actually apply this command so it becomes more than a line or cliche.

"Becoming one" isn't just oh, we are one, we agree, we never struggle.  Being one doesn't mean you are okay with everything you're spouse does - it means accepting them anyway.  Not agreeing - accepting.  Let me explain the difference.

My husband hates the way I load the dishwasher.  He'll actually redo it if he catches it  before I run it through the cycle.  He really believes that the dishes I wash aren't clean, but he appreciates my effort.  I can't stand the way he washes dishes because he is one of those that actually washes the dishes by hand before loading them into the dishwasher.  In my opinion that is a waste of time.  This doesn't sound like a big deal, right?  I mean, at least he is washing dishes, right?  Sort of.  It takes him an hour to wash a regular load of dishes.  I'm not talking about cleaning the pots and pans or wiping down counters.  Just what is in the sink.  An hour.

Any woman who is trying to clean knows why I could get aggravated with that situation.  I'm trying to clean, and he's running water for an hour straight washing dishes by hand when he could just load them up and get out of my way.  I know for most people this isn't a big deal, but we actually used to fight over this.

When I finally realized what "being one" means, I realized that this wasn't a big deal.  Be thankful he's doing the dishes and move on.  Let it go.  Stop being aggravated at the little things.  It's not easy, but it's worth it.

It also means accepting them unconditionally.  You are not going to be filled with fuzzy, shiny feelings all the time.  Love is an action word not a feeling.  But if you can learn to accept your spouse as they currently are then you'll find you can handle much more in your marriage than before.  Let me specify that anyone who is in an abusive relationship or is living with someone who in anyway harms anyone else GET OUT!!  This lesson is only for those in a loving, committed marital relationship.  If you are contemplating divorce, try this out first.  After  all, what do you have to lose?

Accepting your mate means seeing them as they are at this moment and saying to yourself: "If they never change, never improve, I will still love them and want to be with them."  This is hard, especially for men because they are fixers.  Men want to solve problems, and that is a very good thing, but I am your wife, not your problem so stop trying to fix me.  This is also hard for some women because they marry a man thinking "It will get better after we are married".  WRONG!!  I can't even begin to explain how wrong this is for women to think.  It never gets better.  If it is there before  you are married, it will only get bigger after you are married. 

I think this is a good question for all engaged couples to answer.  If you're spouse never changed, never improved, never did anything differently than they do now, could you live with that the rest of your life and still love them?  So many less divorces would occur.

Another question is: Do I do this thing that I am getting mad at them about?  It will really help put things into perspective so you aren't always gunning for them when they irritate you.

I could write a hundred more pages on this, but I just wanted to point out that being "one" isn't all lovey-dovey-greeting card days in the sunshine.  It means seeing your spouse for who they are and loving them anyway, everyday, no matter what.  And sometimes the only way that happens is to remind yourself through gritted teeth: "I love them.  I love them." 

Just to Clarify...

OK, let me start off by saying that I am a Christian in the true sense of the word.  As in, I believe the Bible and only in Jesus Christ.  But I am very saddened and shocked at those that also claim this title and their behavior.

Understand, for those of you out there who are unfamiliar with Christianity, it is not a denomination like Baptist or Catholic.  It is simply a person who has claimed Jesus Christ as their only savior and studies and follows the Bible.  And the simplest definition of Christian principles is this: To love each other and proclaim the message of Christ.  That's it.  It really is that simple.  Let me repeat: To. Love. Each. Other.  Not to judge, condemn, punish, or anything else.  Actually, the Bible specifically tells Christians that only God can judge men's hearts.

I wanted to explain that because there are way too many people out there who are claiming that they represent the "Christian base" then proceed to insult, impugn, and obliterate other races, cultures, or anything else different from themselves.  I hate that these people are the most vocal so it is their behavior the rest of us are judged against.  I cannot be more clear about the fact that Jesus explicitly tells us to love EVERYONE.  He does not ask us to accept all sin or all beliefs, but He does command us to accept everyone.  He also explains that since everyone is a sinner, and all sin being equal, no one is allowed to be superior to his brother or sister.

This means that I, as a Christian, cannot accept homosexuality itself.  But it does mean that I am commanded to accept a homosexual as a friend, a brother or a sister.  I am to be loving to them, not judging them.  Because in God's eyes, their homosexuality isn't any different than when I lie or have an impure thought or any of the other sins we commit everyday.  I am to accept a homeless person or drug addict as I would a CEO or pastor.  It does not mean I allow someone to use drugs in my home or around my children.  But if they come to me seeking love, advice, encouragement, I am to provide those things to them. 

Jesus tells us to be careful of turning away those who come to us for help in some way because it could be one of His angels giving us an opportunity to serve Him through love.  Although we are not to be doormats lying around for the world to abuse, we are to be as open and loving as He was and is and will be to come.  As long as there are those who do not know Him or seek to follow Him, we are to help them, guide them, and through our interaction, both draw closer to God.

I don't mean for this to sound so preachy, but I wanted to distinguish myself from those abusive, hate-filled tyrants on TV claiming to be fulfilling God's will.

Just know this: if someone claims to be a Christian, yet you see no evidence of love, they are a liar.  The Bible even tells us so in the book of James:  "If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers." James 2::8,9

"With the tongue we praise our LORD and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." James 3:9,10

"Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you--who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11,12

I pray that the real truth of God's love and mercy soon drowns out the false message being heard so loudly now.  And it can only do that through the actions of His followers that show His love and mercy daily in their life and their deeds.  God bless you all.

Thought Goulash

Goulash was "junk" soup growing up.  We just tossed in anything we had with some beef bouillon and tomato sauce then we ate.  This is my way of saying here is just a mass jumble of thoughts.

First, I haven't written since April??  You don't realize how busy you've been until you stop and look back.  Of course, May is always a scramble it seems.  And June, July, August...well, you get the point.  It's a good busy, though.  I spent all of May, and will spend all summer, doing things for my babies.  And what's better than that???  Nothing.  I am constantly amazed at how much I love them. 

New topic!  How awesomely lame has the summer movie season been so far??  I am super excited about almost everything coming out, but according to experts, May is supposed to set the tone for the summer.  Well, this year that tone sucked.  Shrek 4, really 4?  Sex and the City 2?  I'm supposed to believe they really looked like that in the desert?  Like I care anyway.  Want to know what's bad?  I can't even think of any other movies that have debuted.  That's how bad it's been.  But with Toy Story 3, ATeam, Eclipse, The Expendables, and more still to come, I have faith that it can only go up from here.

Switch!  How awesome were the cartoons from the 80s and 90s?  I'll tell you: really freaking awesome.  I am trying to introduce them to my babies, and I find myself having the best time reminiscing.  And can I say that they are better than the cartoons on now?  I mean, seriously, have you watched Cartoon Network recently?  Not to mention that Nick doesn't even show cartoons anymore.  And the live shows are stupid.  I mean, worse than just kid stupid. 

Last topic:  Did anyone else hate the character of Worf's son on Star Trek?  What was his name anyway?  It was like Gene Roddenberry's version of Scrappy from Scooby Doo.  I can honestly say that for the first and probably only time, I would have been fine with a storyline that killed off a kid.  That kid.  Worf's kid.  I know it's a weird ramble, but I just had to get that off my chest.  Couldn't let that anger fester.

I'm sure there are more thoughts I could toss in, but I'm tired.  Oh to sleep....

The Age of Technology (Sucks!)

Don't get me wrong, I am a lazy woman at heart so I really enjoy all these modern conveniences.  But I must admit that I am often overwhelmed by how much content is out there, and sometimes missing the old school social sites like McDonald's or the local supermarket.

The trigger for this melancholy moroseness?  Facebook.  I recently created a Facebook page against my will because my aunt went to Ireland and I wanted to see her pics.  Her answer?  Find me on Facebook.  Which I still haven't done!  I did the bare minimum to get a page so I could search for friends and family, searched for them, couldn't find most of them, and only check it about once a week.  Needless to say, I was astonished at how much time these grown, working adults with families spend on this social site.  Farming, empire building, and why do I keep getting requests for their lost farm animals???  Who has time to sit on their computer and do all the things I see on here?

I'm not a domestic goddess or anything, and I still don't have time to play on my computer.  In fact, I have to put off some household chore like laundry or something to get the thirty minutes every few days I do.

What happened to running into a friend at the grocery store on Saturday and chatting it up in the produce section?  Or having a couple over for a fun Friday night dinner and board games while the kiddos run around upstairs possibly destroying themselves and your property?  I can tell you why these things don't happen anymore - they are all at home playing Farmville!

I used to promise myself when I was a teenager that I would be one of those cooler adults who knew about the latest bands, fads, and new technology.  And then I got to be an adult.  Well, I'm a big liar!  I can't stand most of the new bands that are out, but I do recognize their songs because they've all been done before!  And the fads??  Since I was a child of the eighties I most definitely get the fads, and no, they don't look good on women my age (see my earlier post).  Technology???  Most definitely not!  Oh I love the new cell phones and can tell you all about them. TVs and some computer stuff, but websites?  Social sites?  Twittering and all that??  Are you serious??  Okay, that's a lot of question marks.

Does anyone remember why we stopped sending telegrams?  Because they invented the telephone.  And now with texting and Twittering, we've gone right back to telegrams.  Instant ones to be sure, but still, it lacks that depth of connection you get when you hear another person's voice on the other end.  This may explain why kids today have no social graces.  Because you don't have to play nice online, you can just go find another guild, Facebook friend, etc.  And don't get me started on those people who have like 600 friends.  Baloney!! 

We are dumbing down as a society because the only way we ever progressed in the first place was by meeting new people, learning about new cultures, and trying to be better for each other.  With a faceless, heartless computer screen conducting my relationships, what consequences do I face when I am rude, hateful, or selfish?

Be careful of your friend technology!  Remember, the aliens always start out friendly in the movies just before they suck out your brain!!

It's Not My Age, It's Total Capacity

Okay, you know when someone forgets something or loses something they say, "I'm getting old"?  I have figured out a better way to explain our "senior" moments.  It's actually from the computer era so any of you computer nerds (like my husband) will enjoy it.  It is called "exceeding capacity".  If our brain is like a computer hard drive, then I'm sure most of you out there have experienced the lack of capacity problem at least once.  Well, I have decided that is what is happening to our brains.  Especially moms (and any single dads out there).

Just like your computer has stuff that is constantly running in the background, so does our brain, but instead of security programs, possible viruses, and windows framework it's schedules, meals, bills, etc.  And depending on the weather, possible viruses whether it be ours or our family.  Think about it.  If you work, you're in charge of everything you do at work, remembering your kids' school holidays, programs, science projects, math homework, daycare days, weekend plans, sports or dance, doctors appointments, daily nutritional needs, amount of clothes before you absolutely have to do laundry, household inventory for food and supplies, and then there's more if you're married - your husband's schedule (because apparently he has the capacity of a Windows 97 PC), his daily needs (including food!), dry cleaning, in-laws, birthdays, anniversaries, world holidays, cousins, nieces, nephews, friends, bar-b-ques, hunting season, sports teams' names, seasons, and scores, pet needs, separate tv, music, video game needs for each individual, not to mention housework, gardening, notes to the teacher, notes from the teacher, notes about the teacher.....need I go on?  And then your husband has the nerve to gripe when you forget to mention the car needs an oil change!!  Or your kids whine when you forget their favorite cereal in the $400 worth of groceries you shopped for, bought, and are now carting in ALONE!!

Just remind them that even an hundred years ago, women of the house, the mistress or lady, wasn't required to do any of this alone.  From the lowest born to the wealthy, everyone helped.  The nobles had servants to tend to the cleaning, the kids, everything.  The mistress was only required to oversee it all was done properly and in a timely manner. 

So the next time your boss asks you where that presentation is or you forget what your husband just asked or you can't finish a conversation with a friend because your "hard drive" just crashed, instead of saying you're getting old, say that you've reached capacity.  And just like with computers, you need to be restarted.  Then find a nice, quiet place, lie down for five minutes, and when you're boss asks what you're doing, you can honestly say, sending an error report to Microsoft!!!

Happy Thoughts!!

OK, so could anyone else tell I was in quite the funk the other day???  Not that it isn't true, but dang!!  Hello depression thy name is Sassy!!  I thought today I'd try to cheer everyone (all one person that reads this) up. 

I want to know:  what is with the eighties coming back?  Have you seen this?  Leg-warmers, skinny jeans, Converse, tights, it's all back, baby!!  And what's bad is, I see women my age wearing it!!  I know, I know.  You already had the clothes in the back of the closet so now you're super trendy and retro all at once.  But seriously??  You should never, I mean NEVER, borrow clothes from your teenage daughter's closet unless it's just a black sweater.  No one should ever see you from the back and think "wow, they must be sisters!" only to have you turn around and give them heartburn.

And the skinny jeans on guys??  AAAAHHHHhhhhh!!  I guess I didn't notice in the 80's, but that is just ick!  If I don't know your name, I don't want to know more intimate details about you.  Like say for example, which way do you hang???  Gross!!  And please, please, if you are a guy over 30 stop with the crazy, spiky hair with highlights.  It is really just getting pathetic at that point.

Go to the mall, you'll see what I'm ranting about.  Have you ever thought to yourself, "don't these poor people have mirrors at home?"  Of course, all of this from someone who has more tshirts in my dresser than I do underwear.  Go t-shirts!!

So go people watching and cheer yourself up.  Remember:  You never look as ridiculous as they do...Losers!!

Fear, Phobias, and Weenies

So, if you know me, you probably know that I'm the world's biggest coward.  Sure I avoid the standard horror movies, dark places, and the evening news.  (Have you seen it lately??  Move over Stephen King, here comes local news at 9!)  But I still can't sleep without a nightlight.  I refuse, absolutely refuse, to discuss anything remotely scary, distressing, or basically even real.  I live in this fantastical, fake bubble where everything is happy and sunshine.  Actually, I just realized that I've created a Disney movie for myself to live in.  Where are the happy animals helping me clean my house??

Sorry, got sidetracked.  When you strip away all my little fears of anything and everything, they all boil down to this one giant, inhuman, gripping, life-strangling fear:  I fear the unknown.  I want solid guarantees that my family will all be fine, no illness, nothing bad, no traumatic events.  I fear the future like you wouldn't believe.  I mean, I can leave my house.  From the outside I probably seem somewhat normal.  (If you knew me, you'd know why I can't claim total normality.)  But it's definitely ruling my life.  I score my whole routine based on avoiding any clouds that may try to infiltrate my bubble.  I know that about myself, and I'm trying to overcome it.  But here's the biggest thing, I don't want to pass this on to my kids.  Now you see my dilemma.

I don't want them to be like me.  I pray, every day, that they will not be like me.  I know I have some good qualities, but all in all, I'm pretty messed up.  I've just gotten really good at pretending.  Really, really good.  And mostly it's for my kids.  I guess I've decided that if I can pretend to be normal that maybe that's what I'll pass on to them instead of the real, cowardly me.  How twisted is that?  But better fake me being passed on than the real me.  I don't want them walking around in the middle of the night trying to calm themselves from an anxiety attack because they tried to plan for the future.

I hope I don't sound self-aggrandizing when I say that I think this is pretty amazing.  I mean, if you understood how deep my fears ran you'd get what it's like when my son starts asking questions about heaven, dying, and other things that make my palms sweat and my heart race.  It's not bragging.  I'm not amazing, my kids are.  They've made me strong enough to be who they need me to be despite my own debilitating fears.  They are such incredible little monsters.  The Bible tells us that God gives us what we need to overcome obstacles and live in His will.  Maybe that's why he gave me my babies.  Nothing else was motivation enough to get me out there, faking it til I made it.  

So I guess I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there doing this to her kids.  I'm hoping that somewhere else, some mother is pretending for her children in order to make their lives better, in the hope that she can stop the cycle.  It doesn't have to be my ridiculous, crazy phobias.  What about anger issues, regret?  Anyone have something they know is bad, working everyday to pretend it's not there so their kids don't get it, too?  Please don't let me add "only crazy person in the world" to my list of oh-so-enviable qualities.

Family - How much is too much?

Like all good Southern girls, I love my family. We are large, loud, and very close. But over the years, especially after having my own children, I wonder if we are too close. I mean, should we really be in everyone's business? Where are our boundaries? Why don't we have any? And how do you change that in a family that doesn't perceive its own dysfunction? Honestly? I don't know.

I truly love my family, and I want my children to be just as close to them as I am. But I'm tired of the gossiping, the backbiting, the ugliness. I definitely don't want my kids to be a part of that. I don't know if they were always this way or if I'm only noticing now that I'm older and more removed from them. Either way, I'm sick of it. When I visit I don't want to listen to who is the worst daughter, who is the worst parent, and what's wrong with my life. I just want to chat, to catch up. But it seems they don't know how to have a pleasant conversation anymore.

I loved growing up with a large family, and I wanted that for my own children. Sunday dinners at grandma's, lots of cousins running around to play with, and large holiday gatherings. Sadly, we live too far away now to have the first two, but the holidays could be really awesome with so many of us. Not anymore.

I have to admit, I find myself dreading the holidays because I know there will be ugliness. I'm saddened by the loss of the closeness we had in the past. I'm even more sad that my children will never know them as I knew them. But I've come to realize that I can't change them. I can't change them because they don't want to change. And I think that's the hardest part of all to accept.

So to anyone out there who has a large family, or just a small that's very close, listen up: set boundaries, give respect, and above all, do everything with love. Don't let pettiness ruin your familial bonds!

Snowing in Texas!!

I know most people wouldn't get excited about snow flurries that don't even stick when it lands, but here in Texas it's a big deal!! People are driving about 10 miles an hour, you can see others standing in skyscraper windows watching it fall, and everyone is huddled up like we've been transplanted in Alaska. I love it!

I get so excited about stuff like this; I'm as bad as my kids. I love standing outside watching it, catching it on my tongue, and trying desperately to make a Texas Snowman. (For all those not aware, a Texas Snowman stands less than a foot tall, is made of slush, and melts when you touch him.)

I have to say that I get just as excited about that perfect sunny day with perfect blue skies, perfect temperature, perfect everything. I also love a good thunderstorm with lightning so big it makes its own thunder, raindrops the size of birds, and rolling thunder so constant it never stops rumbling. I guess I love it all.

I know so many people who never stop long enough to look around them at the weather until it interferes with their day. The snow is a nuisance because it means longer commutes, the rain a pain because it becomes too humid outside, and the sunny day a bother because it is too hot outside. And I guess I can't argue with them, but what does grumbling do? It doesn't change the weather, and Mother Nature is always so beautiful.

Take a moment right now to look around you and really see her. Appreciate her. Stand in awe at her power. One thing is for sure: she will eventually get your attention.

Here's hoping you're having a miraculous day wherever you are!!

Happy Snow Days and Merry Christmas!!

Wasps on the 36th Floor

Okay, I know the title is weird, but today at work I noticed this wasp clinging to the window outside my office. You guessed it - on the 36th floor. I hate wasps. Yes, I've been bitten, and it hurts. Badly. Very, very badly. But I couldn't help thinking when I saw this wasp, "how in the world did you get up here?" Then, "Why would you come up here?"

I remember hearing last year during the many mandatory evacuations of the deep south for multiple hurricanes that for every hundred feet up you go, wind speed increases by ten miles an hour. Now I'm not sure how accurate that is, but it sounds possible.

So, that means on a normal day around here, winds are at 10-20 miles per hour increasing to over 30mph here on my floor. Not horrible for a 5'7" person, but for a two inch bug??!?? I have to admit I was very impressed.

Here's this little guy who's hated universally, clinging to a window that he should never have reached, and yet, there he was. No food up here. Nothing to eat or sting or use for his nest somewhere. I was intrigued. I wondered what on earth would make this little guy fly all the way up here.

I'm sure some naturalist, scientist, know-it-all will spoil my wondrous moment with all the scientific ga-ga about why he was up here. I don't care!

In my never rest, always go-go-go world, it was nice to see that disgusting bug up this high. For some reason, he made me think that I can do it all because nothing I do could be as hard as holding on to a vertical surface with only my legs in winds up to 30mph.

So I smiled, took a deep breath, and thanked God for giving me something so small that impacted me so greatly in comparison. And now when everything gets a little crazy, you may hear me tell myself, "Be the wasp!" Don't look at me funny. Just think of this story, and smile. Share it with your friends. Wear it on a shirt. Whatever it takes to help you realize that just as God gave that wasp the power to accomplish that task just because he wanted to try it, he gave us what we needed to accomplish what He asks. Just be the wasp!!

When Did "Average" Change to "Bad"

What I mean is, not so long ago being average was fine. As long as you worked hard, paid your bills, provided for your family everyone who knew you would have said you were a good person. And that was enough for us. Just knowing we fulfilled our obligations, raised decent children, and didn't hurt anyone else satisfied us. Not so any more.

Now we all desire to be someone. What does that even mean? Are we not anyone now just because we aren't being followed by paparazzi or asked to dine at the White House? When did we start to think that being average, being normal was not okay? And why in the world are we teaching are kids the same thing?

Look around you at the evidence. Facebook, Twitter, blogs (yes, I get the irony) - they all point to us being desperate to be heard, to be recognized as more than average. I mean, be honest. Are you pouring your heart out on the Internet because you really do have 673 friends who care about your welfare? Or are you secretly hoping you'll be the next Internet sensation? We are all making noise, trying to be the loudest so that someone we don't even know can elevate us to a higher level. Then we have the audacity to wonder why we are so unsatisfied all the time. Seriously?!?

Let me let you in on a little secret: there isn't room at the top for everyone...AND THAT'S OKAY! Do you know why being average is okay? Sure, Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. But do you think he could have done that without average people around? Who was fixing his meals while he experimented? An average cook. Who helped him take notes and kept his office organized? His average secretary. Don't you realize that the only reason Henry Ford was able to produce the Model T or Shakespeare could write Hamlet or Alexander the Great could conquer the world is because they were all standing on the shoulders of average people? Average workers at the Ford factory, average actors on the stage, and average soldiers in the field are the ones who propelled their leaders to greatness. And during those times, that knowledge was enough for them.

I'll tell you what we've lost that we should be desperate to get back is the knowledge that we are all part of a greater something. I'm not even talking religion. I'm talking about just humankind itself. For example, all Americans need to realize that we are all part of a great country; that we have unlimited potential, but someone has to be the workhorse. Someone has to give up the glory to grind the wheat to make bread. But we are all too busy trying to go our own direction. Do you know what happens when everyone tries to go in their own direction. NOTHING!

Need a bigger picture? How about human decency? When we realize that we are all a part of something bigger, we won't need laws for road rage or driving while on the phone. Consideration is a natural extension of realizing it's not all about you. So you're the third in line at the red light, so what? No reason to rev your engine or cuss me out. The world won't end - and you'll be fine with that.

I get that I am publishing this in a blog that I hope lots of people read. I'm not against technology. But I think only communicating through machines is causing us to lose our humanity one text at a time. And that's a very dangerous road to travel. That is why I am going to take a detour and write a thank you note, on paper with pen, and send it through the post office to a person who really made my day special. No abbreviations, no shorthand. Just a quick, handwritten note to let them know I noticed them, and I am grateful.

With technology replacing our humanity, who knew that eventually Mr. Frost's "road less traveled" would be just an "average" road for "average" people?